Ramblings of a Slightly Depressed Lily Evans
by ahrocks08
Summary: Lily lets her feelings out on paper during a particularly boring day in History of Magic.


**A/N Hello, my lovely readers. Guess what! I wrote a story. Why? Because I miss reviews. Lol. Why else? Because I am totally depressed and this really helped me get a lot of things off my mind.**

**So I suppose that if you wanted to be specific, you would say that this is most likely and ooc Lily, but I don't care, I think this could be a very plausible way for why Lily acted that way that she did. **

**This is also exceedingly different that what I would usually write. Oh, and fully expect a famous Top 10 List at the A/N at the end. Dedicating this one to the roomie, if she hadn't gone out tonight, I wouldn't have done this!**

September 12, 1976

Ramblings of a Slightly Depressed Lily Evans

Written during a particularly boring History of Magic class

I'm an introvert. I know this for a fact. When other people spend the night with a big group of people, and feel energized, I feel exhausted. Other people like to spend a Friday night out with a whole bunch of people. I would much rather be in my room or in a big comfy chair reading a classic Jane Austen novel. Even though this is exactly what I want, I can't help but get the Weekend Blues.

That's right. The Weekend Blues. I made it up myself. Here's how it works: during the week you have to worry about classes, homework, and club meetings, but during the weekend you don't have to worry about it, and you _have_ to put off homework everyone would think you were a nerd if you did your homework on a Friday night.

So what do you do?

You mope around the room, trying to read books you can't concentrate on, all the while feeling, deep down inside that you should probably be hanging out with friends and enjoying yourself, even though you know that when you do you will be bored out of your mind.

This is one of my greatest problems.

I also know how to make normal conversations awkward. Don't ask me how I do it, but I do. I know _exactly _the wrong thing to say.

But what does this have to do with anything?

I have no idea. I just really felt like letting my feelings out.

You know what class is hard? Arithmancy. Why? You may ask? Because I said so. And because it is the only class I'm struggling in.

Well, that and Transfiguration, but at least Transfiguration is useful…if you ever need to change your cat into a box.

Have you ever been in a class where you know you have a completely different opinion about it than the rest of the class, so, instead of sounding like a moron you vow to not talk about said different opinion during that class period? Well, I do that all the time, but guess what happens. I always talk! How annoying is that? It's like sometimes I just can't stop talking.

I think it is because I hate those awkward silences when a Professor asks a question and no one else wants to answer it. I always end up answering it. I really hate that about myself.

You know what else I hate about myself? The fact that I can't be civil to James. I hate that! I know psychologically that it is me pushing him away, because, let's face it, I'm just not good enough for him.

And deep down, we both know that what he says isn't true. He just thinks they are because he thinks he is attracted to me because I'm the only one who doesn't pass out whenever he so much as looks at me.

It really has nothing to do with me being a confident, independent woman.

It's quite the opposite, really. It's because I knew, even when I was younger that I wasn't good enough for the gorgeous, popular, funny James Potter.

How could I be? I was worse than normal. Normal red hair, normal body, normal brain.

I'm not really smart, I just work harder than everyone else. It doesn't help that I am a perfectionist. So technically I _could_ use that as an excuse for doing homework on Friday nights. It could take me that long to do work…hmm.

I also like things clean. Really clean. Unfortunately, my roommates don't feel the same way. So some Friday nights they will come home to find a pile of their stuff in a corner of their area of the room, courtesy of me. Sometimes, I have to clean my room before I can go to sleep.

I have weird sleep habits. All the lights have to be off, the room has to be silent, except for my music which is a mixture of Debussy, Bach and Mozart in a certain order, which helps me sleep. I know, it is weird.

Oh, and I have to be facing a certain way. Towards the wall, and not on my back. Because, apparently, I snore when I am on my back. At least that is what one of my roommates, Alice, says. In my defense, so does she. So whenever she teases me, I just tease her right back.

Most of my roommates are very social. They can hold normal conversations and flirt. I can't flirt. I don't know _how _to flirt. Not that I have ever had a reason to flirt. No one has ever been interested in me for me to even think about flirting.

And while we are on this particular subject, let me just specify why exactly I am so different from my mum and my sister when it comes to make up and clothes. I personally see no reason to waste valuable sleep to get up early and spend more than 20 minutes getting ready in the morning. I really don't care what people think about me, and it's not like all those years of dressing up in my younger days paid off. It's not like any boys are going to notice me, I'm practically invisible.

So what if that one time when I decided to do a little something with my hair and put a bit more make up on that when James came up to talk to me, he couldn't form a coherent sentence. It had nothing to do with how I looked, he was just playing stupid so that I would take pity on him. Sometimes I don't understand why he goes to so much trouble. It's just me. It's not like…

"_Hey! Give that back! It's private!" I said._

"_Lily, you do realize that you have been scribbling on this piece of paper not only for the whole class period but also for ten minutes after class ended?" James asked me._

_I blushed a deep scarlet, which, let's be honest, does not complement my hair at all. _

"_Oops! Guess not. Now give that back!" I practically begged. He really does not need to be reading that paper._

"_What exactly have you been writing that has you so worked up, Lily?" James asked scanning over the papers._

"_James, please!" I begged him. _

_I watched as James read my paper. His expression going from confused to concern to amusement to anger, and then it just stayed at anger. _

_I figured that when he finally talked he would just tease me and laugh. Instead he just said, "Lily, I like you because I think that you are smart, funny and really, really beautiful."_

_It's really hard to doubt someone when they look into your eyes like that._

**A/N so is the end cheesy? I can take it out if it is. Do you think it deserves and 'angst' genre tag? I don't know. I don't usually write angst, all I know is that this is the most depressing thing I have ever written. Warning: Top Ten List coming up!! Feel free to pass go and collect 200 virtual dollars (aka simoleons) at the Review button, but you have to click on it.**

**Please tell me you all got the game references there.**

**Ahrocks08's Top 10 List of things she wants you to know about her**

**I'm in college! And it is taking up all my free time. :( so updates will be farther apart than they already are.**

**Ramen noodles are like my new favorite food. They are so cheap!**

**My new favorite song is the What Is Love song from Night At The Roxbury. Head movement a must.****lol**

**me and my roomie got to fish. We named them Will and Grace. Will is the more colorful one. Ooh and we are going to get a couple more and name them Jack and Karen, and then we are going to get an algae eater and name it Rosario. Lol how cool is that**

**I'm in the Quidditch Club at my college, which is the HP club and in a couple weeks we are having our sorting ceremony. I sent in my quiz and I hope I get into Ravenclaw. They are such a fun bunch…**

**I'm learning French. Oui. lol. I don't know a whole lot past that...**

**it is sooo hot and humid here! I'm so ready for Fall**

**I've been watching all the seasons of the Office, and I totally ship Dwight and Angela, and Jim and Pam of course (PB & J)**

**My roomie is at a frat party right now. And I refuse to go to one…**

**I love coffee, coffee is good, especially the Underground's grande white mocha frozen coffee with whipped cream on top. Which I have been getting every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after French. Which is so appropriate.**

**Oh! on a side note, if certain things in my life change, there is a possible chance for a sequel, I have an idea, just not the motivation or the experience to write it, and I can bs only so much...lol. I'll keep ya updated...**

**And now I would love to hear your thoughts on this…hint hint**


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